In my divorce days, I realized that I had spent the better part of 10 years choosing him over choosing myself. I didn't know how to choose myself anymore. I didn't even know what I wanted because I was so used to putting his needs and desires and preferences before my own. this went on for over a decade, so when I went through divorce, the people I loved didn't know how to relate to me without him. They too were so used to me putting his choices before my own that they didn't know how to help me figure out what my choices were.
It's a journey. a sometimes very difficult one. through divorce, I had to re-member myself, and all my parts were different, with different insertion sockets than they had before. The people around me couldn't go 'back' to what we were and together we all struggled to go forward without knowing what forward looked like. I did it though. and those who really mattered found new ways to relate to the new me. It took another decade. and I am so glad it all happened because now I know how to choose me AND have a healthy relationship.
Nice piece on the human dilemma and maybe contradiction of independence Vs the need for connection
In my divorce days, I realized that I had spent the better part of 10 years choosing him over choosing myself. I didn't know how to choose myself anymore. I didn't even know what I wanted because I was so used to putting his needs and desires and preferences before my own. this went on for over a decade, so when I went through divorce, the people I loved didn't know how to relate to me without him. They too were so used to me putting his choices before my own that they didn't know how to help me figure out what my choices were.
It's a journey. a sometimes very difficult one. through divorce, I had to re-member myself, and all my parts were different, with different insertion sockets than they had before. The people around me couldn't go 'back' to what we were and together we all struggled to go forward without knowing what forward looked like. I did it though. and those who really mattered found new ways to relate to the new me. It took another decade. and I am so glad it all happened because now I know how to choose me AND have a healthy relationship.
Wow, what a courageous journey you went on🤍 so powerful